Laugh Time

Because I haven't passed on a good one in a while:

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get
in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Naragon,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,
are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee
to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor
that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose
time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out.

ABC’s of moi

cristine of book tumbling tagged me for this ABC meme.

Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Share your ABC’s
3. Tag three people at the end by linking to their blogs
4. Let the three tagged people know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website
5. Do not tag the same person repeatedly but try to tag different people, so there is a big network of bloggers doing this tag

Available or single? neither

Best Friend? sheila!

Cake or Pie? Cake

Drink of choice? lady grey tea

Essential item for every day use? my mac

Favorite color? green

Google? swagbuck

Hometown? don't have one...an army brat born in the panama canal zone

Indulgences? brand spanking new books, fuzzy socks, Triple Shot iced Breve

January or February? how well do i have things organized for taxes this time!

Kids and their names? oscar wild and mystery puppy

Life is incomplete without…? critters

Marriage date? august 14, 1986

Number of siblings? 2 one dead one not

Oranges or apples? fresh oranges (navel) and crisp apples (whatever happened to winesaps)

Phobias and fears? that the damn water heater will break and flood the house again!

Quote for the day? “to err is human, to really screw up you need a computer!" unknown

Reason to smile? critters

Season? pepper and garlic and as little salt as possible

Tag 3 people?

lori of psychotic state

eleni of la femme readers

hervee of book bird dog

And anyone else who would like to play!

Unknown fact about me? i have the coolest most versatile blue electric wheelchair in the world.

Vegetable you hate? boiled okra...it is so pornographic!

Worst habit? bitting my cuticles...well, it;s better than bitting my finger nails.

X-rays you’ve had? every thing but my eyes, ears and nose.

Your fave food? good mexican

Zodiac sign? leo

Do what you will with this information!!!!

parental logic?!

if i could poll kids, i wonder how many would question it.

why do parents ask questions they are going to ignore the answers to, or they already know the answer? or kid's answer, they either will not like the answer!

example: why did you do _______ (fill in the blank parent). kid answers: i don't know. (would ignite my mom every time! and if i didn't answer, that would get her too. it's a definite lose/lose situation for a kid.)

i once wrote a letter to my dad stationed overseas. the pen ran out of ink. well, what's a kid to do. fill it. had i done this before? no. did things turn out well? no. you see when you pull up on the lever a nossell like thing came out (something i had not see when mom and sister did it). the next thing the bottle of peacock blue in tipped over! ink, permanent of course, was all over the lace (like crochet) table cloth and onto my mom's expensive (what else) wool carpet. i did the best an 8yo could (not a good job) and went to bed.

now, i was an early riser who had to get up when she woke up. i did not want to get up that morning. i played like i was asleep until i had a horrible headache. if i didn't get up, i would die. the odds were i was not longed for the world anyway. so i got up.

some rotten kids of a friend of hers were visiting. they told me i was going to get it bad! finally we faced one another, me and my mom.

i didn't get killed! she said she knew i didn't do it on purpose and that i had suffered enough (it was after 12 and i used to be up by 6:30 or 7). then she said, "honey, next time just come to me when you have done something you weren't supposed to. it will be lots better."

time passes.

my younger sister and i were doing something in the bathroom when her jade bowl landed on the floor. it broke in 2 pieces and there was face powder all over the floor. we gave each other the look of "we're ganna get it now!" but wait, remember what mommy said? so we elmer glued it together and scotch taped it together so the glue could set (so not the right type of glue or tape). then we scooped as much of the powder as we could and put it into the bowl (who'd have thunk about any dust bunnies. not us.). we swabbed down the floor.

when our mother came home, we were ready! secure in the knowledge all would be well! we were there to greet her and i, the older of the two, told her the entire story; what had happened, how sorry we were and how we had fixed it.

how can i tell you how wrong we were! that is when spankings were not considered child abuse but more a behavior modification technique. we got clobbered!

decades later, i used this as an example of how she confused me. she didn't have an explanation. but i can tell you that at the age of 9 or 10, i learned....parents expect us to know why we do things inconsistently when it turns out they are as just as bad. and they have selective memories of what kind of stuff they did as a child and how their parents reacted to their hijenks.

things that strike me funny

as i still can't figure out how to get a video on here, i will give you this access. i laughed.

how about 100 famous move lines in 200 seconds...go here

have fun kids! (ps, i hijacked these from someone else's blog..shhhh, don't tell)

i hate diets

especially yarn diets. especially when people keep sending info about yarns on sale or new yarns they have! and tell me why they come in bunches?

ok, maybe, but only just maybe, it is because i subscribe to them. but couldn't they just show me yarns i don't really like or want...you know, the kind that is thin as thread and has to be knit with toothpick size needles?

i gotta go...incoming mail...from webs!

what do you do when you can't afford to travel?

and what is your answer? 

i'm waiting. 

take your time. 

ok. this is what i do. i make my friends, on penalty of death and dismembership (yes, i am a toughie), take pictures of their travels and share them with me...it is altogether better when they have a blog with pictures and stories! 

so if i've missed your travels and neglected your blog...or don't even know you have one (curses), please update me. 

what? 

how will you know i have been there? 

please, what kind of appreciator would i be if i did not make comments? 

that would be rude! my mother of 3 daughters would never approve of those manners! she would have my head in a hand basket for sure.

ps...what is a hand basket...uck, a basket full of hands? 

never mind.

i took this for giggles...what do you think?

Your result for The Best Thing About You Test...

Compassion

Compassion is your strongest virtue

Compassion is the most human of the virtues. And you? Your heart has limits far beyond normal levels empathy, and your capacity for feeling the world's pain is boundless. You poor, beautiful, wonderful thing. All 7 virtues are a part of you, but your compassion runs deepest.

It is likely you're an altruist. And it's likely (but not necessarily true, think of Bono) that your humility score is high too.

Compassionate famous people: Brad Pitt, Mother Theresa, The A-Team.

Your raw relative scores follow. 0% is low, and 100% is perfect, nearly impossible. Note that I pitted the virtues against each other, so in some way these are relative scores. It's impossible to score high on all of them, and a low score on one is just relatively low compared to the other virtues.

YOUR VIRTUES

80% Compassion

44% Intelligence

63% Humility

67% Honesty

13% Discipline

43% Courage

50% Passion

Take The Best Thing About You Test at HelloQuizzy

hat dash

funky hat (one may be clearer than the other) as demo'd on a foot

o good grief granny!

silly avlerydo you ever have groups of days that run together and confuse your brain because you are running in too many directions? 

yes, i answer. 

for some reason, i suddenly decided the olympics were ending the 17th! what a panic...3 works in progress to finish, one hat...no, i was not going to make it....i had to go to pt and there were knitting groups to go to...and then, and then....o my god!!!  i forgot the knitting class i signed up for!!! i hadn't gotten the yarn!! i still needed the book!!! so naturally, i kept messing easy things up! again! and again! it was like my brain was on crack and i either had too many fingers or not enough and i forgot how to count and which direction i was supposed to be going in!!!

and then my temporary crown feel out making me spend 4, count them 4 hours in the dentist chair...on my birthday no less! that's the way to celebrate! not!  

ok, the wip are:

1. diamonds for daylia (if i could finish the first one, maybe i will get onto the rest)

done

2. red square (and i still hate doing bobbles)

done

3. sandy's socks (my first socks ever ...read below for deeper understanding...may be renamed "those bloody socks"

still a wip...damn those heels! damn that tiny yarn!  damn those tiny needles! damn that dark color! damn damn damn!!!! 

the new project:

1. baby hat (done on the blue round loom...had to be frogged because i needed a tighter weave and was running out of yarn...so i had to stew over it...then i lost the yarn...and the loom. found the yarn, loom was still amiss. finally went out and brought another! made the "funky hat". (by the way, the original loom magically reappeared ....this morning ...after i finished the had in the wee hours of the morning ....naughty words naughty words

done

what??? you want to see??? ok. let me see what i can do...i have had no success in getting them posted in the ravelry posts or in my email but we know i can get them here...i think i will put them in on the next post...all by themselves...so you will see them first.