Monday, December 21, 2009

Laugh Time

Because I haven't passed on a good one in a while:


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get
in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Naragon,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,
are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee
to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose
time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his '
Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out.

Book Review: The Chopin Manuscript (Audio)

The Chopin Manuscript: A Serial Thriller UNABRIDGED

Publisher's Summary
15 thriller masters. 1 masterful thriller.
Former war crimes investigator Harold Middleton possesses a previously unknown score by Frederic Chopin. But he is unaware that, locked within its handwritten notes, lies a secret that now threatens the lives of thousands of Americans. As he races from Poland to America to uncover the mystery of the manuscript, Middleton will be accused of murder, pursued by federal agents, and targeted by assassins. But the greatest threat will come from a shadowy figure out of his past: the man known only as Faust.
The Chopin Manuscript is a unique collaboration by 15 of the world's greatest thriller writers. Jeffery Deaver conceived the characters and set the plot in motion; the other authors each wrote a chapter in turn. Deaver then completed what he started, bringing The Chopin Manuscript to its explosive conclusion.
The Chopin Manuscript was written by:
Jeffery Deaver (Lincoln Rhyme series)
David Hewson (Nic Costa series)
James Grady (
Six Days of the Condor)
S. J. Rozan (Bill Smith/Lydia Chin series)
Erica Spindler (
Last Known Victim)
John Ramsey Miller (Winter Massey series)
David Corbett (
Blood of Paradise)
John Gilstrap (
Scott Free)
Joseph Finder (
Power Play)
Jim Fusilli (Terry Orr series)
Peter Spiegelman (John March series)
Ralph Pezzullo (
Lisa Scottoline (
Daddy's Girl)
P.J. Parrish (Louis Kincaid, Joe Frye series)
Lee Child (Jack Reacher series)
The Chopin Manuscript includes special bonus material:

  • Behind-the-scenes interview with Jeffery Deaver, Lee Child, and David Hewson

  • Now that alone should stir you curiosity. 'Sure did mine! And that was without knowing it was the 2008 Audie Award Winner Audiobook of the Year. That is why it became my pick.

    Alfred Moline (well known actor) was the narrator. He made following the different character easy with that great nibble voice of his. But I figured he would. It was the writing that intrigued me was how one man could start a story and then another writer picks it up...and then another and another until it comes back to the original author to wrap it up in a nice neat bow and bring it to a conclusion.

    Could it be done? How confusing would it be as the chapter changed to a new author? Could I follow it? Would I like it?

    Yes. Only a little bit. I could. I did!

    So if you like a good thriller that is well written, check it out! And be sure to listen to the after interview for the "How'd they do it?"

    Disclaimer....if I used my membership credit, you know no one had any influence on my review!

    Monday Mayhem

    santa clause
    I saw ___mommy_______ kissing ___santa claus______
    Underneath the ___mistletoe______ last night
    They didn't see me ___creep_______
    Down the __stairs____ to have a ____peek______
    They thought that I was ___tucked________
    in my ___bedroom________ fast ____asleep______

    Then I saw ___mommy_______ kissing ___santa claus______
    Underneath the ____mistletoe_____ last night

    Oh what a __laugh____ it would have been
    If ___daddy_______ had only seen
    __mommy_______ kissing __santa claus_______ last night.

    (i'm sorry...the song was so stuck in my mind, i could think of nothing else! my bad.)


    How's your weather? Will you have a white Christmas?
    no white christmas here and with the weather elsewhere, i won't say what our weather is like!